Why I hate fishing ! ! ! 
by Scott Tanner, a.k.a. Fatbird 

Horrible things happen to me when I try to fish! The true story below tells a few of them! If you read it please reply........ The rising sun reflected off the calm water in a series of soothing flashes. The temperature hovered at 68 degrees. Fish were frantically striking our baits the very instant they hit the water. Big fish ! We reeled them in and within thirty minutes or so had caught our limit. We effortlessly loaded our boat and headed home. Another perfect morning spent fishing. What a wonderful sport, what a great time. Fishing, I live for it, I love it. I wish it were true.

I had to be at work at 4pm, spent most of the day washing the boat, filling the gas tanks, a quick charge on the battery just to be sure. I was going fishing the next morning. Finally the boat was ready. I had lowered the motor so that I could reach the top to wash it and I had done a good job. The 85 horse Mercury with power trim and tilt was absolutely factory showroom clean. I jumped in the Land Cruiser and backed the boat across the yard having forgotten that I had lowered the motor. A small ditch in the yard caused the boat trailer wheels to drop just an inch or two. I felt a small jerk and in the rearview mirror watched the boat motor disappear from view under the rear of the boat. A second later I felt a larger jerk. With lots of help I lifted the motor back onto the boat and roared off to the welding shop where after an $80.00 experiment in boat and motor re-attachment I was almost as good as new. The power trim and tilt was a little slower, with the arms bent like that, but still worked. I was going fishing.

Built many years ago, (I secretly believed it was the first pontoon boat ever constructed), my boat was a 22' steel pontoon boat. Emphasis on steel. Not light weight aluminum but steel, heavy brittle, Titanic like steel. After its first trip to the lake we called it the Titanic II. Bright orange in color with gold upholstery it was an eyesore. It floated though and it was mine.

I got off work at midnight and rushed home to grab a few hours sleep so that I could get up at 4am and leave to go fishing. Yep, fishing, what could be better? 4am came early that day and I was out of it when the alarm screamed at me to get up. I had drooled quite the puddle on my pillow and must have been sleeping soundly. As quickly as my muddled mind could guide me I dressed and plodded out toward the Land Cruiser which was still attached to the boat. The boat looked sinister and huge in the cruel yellow of the streetlights and caused me to shiver but I ignored the feeling and cranked up the rig and took off. I made a quick stop to pick up my fishing partner and was finally on the way to the lake. I was going fishing, life was good. He quipped something about how maybe I should have put the actual top on the Land Cruiser instead of just the bikini rag top which just covered the front seats. He was cold or something of the sort. I ignored this because skinny people always seem to be cold and he was the skinniest. 

Arriving at the lake I noticed the parking lot at Norfork Lake was almost empty. We backed the boat in carefully and were in just about as far as I would ever back a vehicle into water when we saw a beautiful sight. It was the Norfork Ferry gliding by. The Ferry was a huge flat topped boat used to haul cars across the lake for years before the bridges were built. It is a recreational business now and you can rent the ferry to drive you and your party around all night and all day if you wish. It was lit up like a Christmas Tree and impressive to watch. I locked the emergency brake and waded/swam to the boat and started to un-tie it from the trailer. It was at this precise moment that the tidal-like waves from the enormous ferry hit the beach and my tiny Land Cruiser. The wave ate my Land Cruiser as it pulled it and my boat, (still on the trailer), about six feet ****her into the lake. I screamed as the Land Cruiser sank to steering wheel depth in a matter of one or two seconds. People were lined up waiting to get there boats in the water and eventually one of them took pity on me,( or really wanted to fish badly), and offered to pull me, the Land Cruiser, and the boat and trailer out of the water and to the top of the hill. As he pulled us out of the water the boat thumped back down on the trailer and the right trailer tire exploded with a bubbling boom. He dragged us up to the top of the hill, clearing the boat ramp and abandoned us there. We sat there in the wet seats pondering our situation and arguing about what we should do now. As the argument began to falter we noticed a sharp drop in temperature down to about fifty degrees. It was then that the rain came, not some spring shower but hard, cold, downpour. With the rain came the wind, a rain sideways blowing wind that had us huddling up over the dashboard and hanging towels up over us in an attempt to combat death by freezing. We lived there in that rain, wet, hungry, and cold for most of the day.

The other times I have been fishing it was hot, very hot. I found out quickly that insects eat you when you fish. I felt it was my duty to take my six year old son to the lake to camp and fish. He does not sleep well in a hot tent. He caught one small perch after about two hours. He did not enjoy me stabbing that poor worm with a sharp hook and was not impressed with the way I held the worm in the vise grips as I would not touch it with my hands. He cried and begged me to take him home and I did. He does not want to go fishing again. I use it as a threat to get him to do his chores. "Clean your room or I am going to take you fishing" I never have to tell him more than once.
I watch others fish now. On cool mornings I sit in my 12'x12' screen tent in my lawn chair within reach of my food and beverage filled cooler, reading a good book or playing a board game with my family, occasionally shaking a fist, or baring my teeth, at whatever fishermen I can see on the water.
 
 
 

Good Technique is Critical to "Recycling" Fish

JEFFERSON CITY--Missouri, once an angler reduces a fish to possession by putting it on a stringer or in a live well in a boat, he cannot exchange it later for a larger fish. The only exception to this Conservation Department regulation is during black bass tournaments. Bass handled properly can be kept alive and healthy, weighed or measured by tournament organizers and then released in good shape.

Exchanging fish caught earlier in a fishing tournament for larger catches later in the day is commonly known as "culling." The Wildlife Code, Missouri's Bible of hunting, fishing and trapping regulations, notes, however, that even bass tournament culling is prohibited during July and August, when air and water temperatures are high enough to be lethal to fish held in boat live wells. 

In a study by the Oklahoma Department of Wildlife Conservation, 28 percent of bass caught during summer tournaments died within six days of their release. Tournament contestants don't want to kill these fish, but many simply aren't knowledgeable enough to keep their fish in good shape. 

In hot weather, bass kept in a live well can suffer from water that is too warm, too low in oxygen and too high in ammonia. Anglers who keep fish in live wells need to be vigilant in keeping the temperature in the livewell suitable for fish. Water at the surface of a lake can be significantly warmer than in deeper water where most fish are caught. For a fish put into a live well, a difference of 5 degrees can be stressful, and a difference of 8 degrees can be lethal. Hence, live well water taken from the surface of a lake may be too warm for a fish pulled from deeper water. 

In moderate weather, when the water temperature is below 75 degrees, you can keep fish in a live well in good shape simply by adding fresh water. But in hot weather, adding ice is almost mandatory. You can make your own block ice for live well use by freezing water in milk jugs or in two-liter soda bottles. 

When water surface temperatures are higher than 85 degrees, adding ice will reduce the water temperature in a live well by as much as 10 degrees. Block ice works better than cube ice because it cools the water more evenly and lasts longer. One 8 pound block will cool a 30-gallon livewell for about three hours. Water should be recirculated in the live well through the aerator rather than pumped in from surface water. 

Fish should not be cooled too much, either. In a catch-and-release tournament they will be returned to the lake water; if they are too cool, they will suffer heat shock.

To keep the oxygen in a live well at a high enough level to keep fish healthy, Oklahoma researchers suggest you "Fill your live well as soon as you launch your boat and turn on the aerator to build up dissolved oxygen levels. Run your aerator continuously, no matter what time of year. Fish confined in live wells use oxygen faster than an aerator can replace it." At least half of the water in a live well should be replaced several times during the day. This will remove ammonia from the tank.

They also note that the "ultimate fish care system involves the use of pure oxygen supplied from a pressurized cylinder through a bubble hose in the live well.," This system can reduce fish mortality from 10 to 20 percent even on the hottest days.

Many non-tournament anglers also release fish rather than keeping them to eat. The Conservation Department suggests that, for catch-and-release fishing, you remove your hook or lure from the fish's mouth without removing the fish from the water when possible. This avoids excess handling of fish.

Other tips include removing the barbs from your hooks by pinching them flat with pliers or filing them off, and never putting your fingers in the gills or eye sockets of a fish. If a fish has a hook deep in its throat, cut the line and release it rather than trying to remove the hook. The flesh around the hook will eventually die back, and the hook will fall out. If you must handle a fish to remove the hook, avoid squeezing or dropping it. Holding a fish upside-down will often quiet it long enough for you to remove your hook.

- Jim Auckley -